My Father has given me a wonderful husband

As is sometimes the case in marriage, or even in life, one can get annoyed by the littlest things. Things that, when viewed in the scheme of eternity, are absolutely the most minute and utterly ridiculous things ever.  And sometimes God uses those things, the little irritants, to mold us and shape us into the person He has always destined for us to be. 

Take for instance something, anything, that your spouse does that irritates you. If you let us, it can drive you completely insane.  It doesn't really matter what the annoyance is. You can let that come between you & your spouse, and worse yet, come between you & God. Or you can choose to let that irritant drive you *to* your spouse and your God. 

This morning I was really annoyed about something really petty. You see, my husband usually gets me a tall cup of coffee ready in the morning for me to take to work. Something amazing, right?! YES!!! But this morning was crazy, and on my drive to work, I was saying to myself, "I can't believe he didn't get me a cup of coffee! Doesn't he know I need that?! I can't believe I had to make my own coffee..." Etc, etc. Selfish, huh?! Yep. 

The Spirit spoke to me and nudged me about how selfish I was, and how I had allowed myself to not be thankful *for* this sweet man who gives me coffee everyday!  So I began to silently pray for my husband, thanking the Lord for him and how hard he works to provide for our family, not just our needs - but our wants as well. 

So, I got to work, and after a few minutes I took a big gulp of the coffee I had poured for myself. UGH!!! It was so gross!!! I didn't have creamer this morning, so I tried to ad-lib. It was disgusting. I pushed it aside & thought "Oh, well. It'll have to wait until after work!"

About 5 minutes later, my husband walked through the door with a McDonalds caramel coffee & oatmeal. My favorite breakfast. Ever. 

I immediately knew that this was my Father's gift to me. This breakfast. This coffee. This amazing man standing in front of me, with a gift of love. I hadn't said a word.  But started to cry in the knowledge that my Father gave me all of this. 

He is good. And gives us what we need. And then some. 

Fifteen years...

Wow! Time sure has gone by fast!  Some days it doesn't seem possible that it has been 15 years...

Fifteen years ago, I found out the hard way that my (then) husband had been unfaithful to me.  To complicate matters and to make that bad thing even worse was that the "other party" was my teenage babysitter...two of them!  I was shocked that this had even happened...surely not MY husband.  We were believers. We were leaders in the youth group at church.  We were active in our church. We sang in a local Christian community choir.  I taught for a local Christian school.  We were believers!!!  How could this happen to me - to us - to my children?!?!  I was furious, distraught, disappointed, discouraged, heartbroken.  I couldn't see beyond the here and now.  I didn't think that God knew what He was doing to allow this in my life.

Fifteen years ago, I made the difficult decision to give up my house because I could not afford to pay the mortgage while raising 2 young children on my own.  It was so hard to make that decision...not just for me and my stupid pride, but the home my children had grown to love was no longer ours.

I look back on the fifteen years since that difficult day, and today I am overwhelmed by my Father's grace and goodness in my life.  He has been with me every single step along the way.  I have seen His hand at work in my life and in the lives of my children.  He has provided for us in so many ways, beyond what I could have even imagined!

We were surrounded by family and friends who became closer than family.  Even though we all struggled in our walk with Christ, my children and I have come to know God in a deeper way than we ever would have if we had not gone through the hell of a broken family.

Today...well, today I am blessed beyond measure.  Today I have a husband who loves & honors the Lord and encourages me to do the same.  Today, he loves my three children in ways that their own fathers cannot.  Today, we are humbled because we are closing on a home of our own.  And my name is going to be on the deed of that house!  It's a dream that I wasn't sure was going to happen.

I am overwhelmed at my Father's goodness.

22 years, 3 months, 7 days...

22 years, 3 months, and 7 days. That's how old my son is. 

22 years, 3 months, and 7 days. That's how young my son is. 

267 months and 7 days. 1161 weeks and 5 days. 8,132 days. 

It sounds like a lot. 

To some, it's a lifetime! 

To me, tonight, it feels like it's been about a month since my son was just a baby. No...it's been about a week since he was a little boy.  Never mind. It's really only been about 7 seconds since he was a teen in braces in the band. And now POOF!

In a few short hours, my son will pledge his life to a sweet young woman and officially start a home of his own. While he's lived on his own for a while now, and made many of his own life decisions for years, it hardly seems possible that this day is already here! 

So although I should be sleeping, my mind is wandering. My heart is heavy. And I wonder. And I cry out to my Father. 

"Did I do everything I was supposed to do, Lord? Did I teach him everything you wanted me to teach him?  Sure...he can cook & do laundry & clean & make a mean pumpkin pie from scratch. But, I mean, did I really teach him everything I was supposed to teach him?!!"

And then I realize one central truth. I am broken. My son that I love so deeply is broken too. We are sinners in desperate need of a Savior. 

Which leads me to another realization. The Christ who gave His life to redeem me and my son is The One who lives and intercedes for us and walks with us each day. He is The One who will guide my son and his bride through life, and teach them all they need to know. 

I can rest. 

Son, I love you with all my heart.  You have, you are, and you will go through many challenges in life.  But I am confident that our Father is giving you both grace and strength to not just get through it, but to live a victorious life in the midst of those things.  Continue to lean on Him.  Let Him guide you and your beautiful bride.  Know that we will continue to love you, pray for you and cheer you on along the way.

My dear, sweet Lydia: today we get to claim you as our daughter!!! And we are so blessed.  Today, I give you my son.  In his eyes, you will see not only his imperfections, but mine as well.  But if you look more closely, you will also see the awesome work our Father is doing in his heart and in his life. 

We rejoice with you both!  We celebrate what the Lord has done in bringing you two together and we look forward with eager anticipation at the beautiful life you will live together as husband and wife.  We love you!!!

 

 

 

He is good...all the time March 20, 2014

The Lord has blessed me so much in the past few months. He has blessed me with a husband, a new home, a new church family & some friends, and most recently a job that I love. As awesome as these blessings have been, it has been extremely difficult for me to look for the positive things, and not be depressed. This move was WAY more difficult than I had anticipated. But the Lord has been faithful (when isn't He?!), and I have sensed His presence close to me along the way.

One of the ways I've struggled to see His work in my life has been in my job. I went from working 40+hrs/wk to barely 20hrs/wk, rotating from office to office. A great deal of the workplaces have been in a negative environment. While the work wasn't hard, I came home exhausted and down almost every night. It's been rough! I applied for other positions, was promised other positions, and nothing ever came through. Honestly, some days I felt like my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling.

Then, 2 weeks ago, in a whirlwind of events, I found out about a job, applied, interviewed, was offered the job, accepted it, and started the job...in less than 1 week. I've been at my new job for 2 weeks now, and can see clearly now that this was my Father's plan all along. Both the doctor and the nurse I work with are believers, well connected to their church families. This is a positive environment, and I love it!

God is good. All the time. Even when we don't see it, and everything seems bad. He is still good.

My vow to you.... Aug 31, 2013

 

 

My dearest Sean,

As I stand before you, I am overwhelmed again by our Father's goodness - and I am so grateful we are here - today - together.

 

I've told you before that I want to be a good wife. If you had asked me what exactly that looked like, and I wasn't quite sure.

 

So I dug through God's Word, and as I did, I saw with fresh eyes what God has to say about a wife's character.  I found words like pure, cautious, frugal, sensitive, wise, refined, sensible, honorable and unblemished.  I realized that I don't want to be a good wife...I want to be a great wife, a wife after God's own heart...the wife God has purposed me to be.

 

And so, it is with those characteristics in mind that I make this pledge to you.  

 

With God's help:

 

• I promise to be a faithful wife, to be honest with you - even it's painful. 
• I will honor you and respect you as my husband and God-given companion. 
• I will trust you, because I know I can trust my Father, who gave you to me. 
• I will celebrate with you in good times and share a tissue box with you when times aren't so great. 
• In times when it's needed, I will forgive you because I have been forgiven much. 
• I will walk by your side, helping you and encouraging you, through the best and the worst of all of our tomorrow's for as long as God gives us breath.

I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow, for I am greatly loved.

One of these days... Feb 10, 2013

One of these days, I'm going to "settle down" and start actin' my age...but today, there's too much yet to do...and so little time.

One of these days, I'm gonna stop to think about things more, take fewer risks, and not live life by the seat of my pants...but right now, there's too much at stake!

One of these days, I'm gonna have a clean house, an immaculate yard with no weeds, and no toys strewn about to trip over...but today, there is a sweet young boy begging me to sit with him, who needs to be treasured, played with and loved. So, I sit on the floor, surrounded by puzzle pieces, cars, and trains, storing each fleeting moment in the memory vault.

One of these days, I'm gonna take a friend to dinner at a nice steakhouse and enjoy a glass of wine...but today, my son & his sweet girlfriend wanna hang out with me & have pizza. So we eat pepperoni pizza, and watch a silly movie together. And I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

One of these days, I'm gonna go to the spa and enjoy a nice massage by myself...but this afternoon my daughter wants to watch a movie with me & chit-chat. So we talk about what's going on in her life and how she's overcome challenges with God's help. And then she says, "By the way, Mom, Happy Father's Day. You were there when we didn't have a dad. Thanks for helping me see that God is my Father." You know what?! I bet they don't tell you sweet things like that at any spa!

One of these days, I'm gonna learn how to make a fabulous steak, medium-rare, with all the trimmings, just the way my sweetheart likes it...but tonight I received an impromptu invitation for pizza at a local pizza place. So I go and hang out with 2 other couples that I really wanted to get to know...more than just Facebook friends. We eat, we laugh, we share intimate moments of our lives, being transparent with each other. And I leave, thanking my Father for friends who love and honor the Lord, and who challenge me to do the same.

One of these days, I'm gonna go on a great vacation, experiencing a few adventures out West on my bucket list...but today, there's a young man who needs to go school shopping. So we start the day with breakfast and conversation over pancakes & hot chocolate at Bob Evans. We talk about school, clothes, hopes for college, and how hard life is with cancer. We laugh, we cry, we hug each other, and draw strength from our Father who never leaves our side.

One of these days, I'm gonna get up before everyone else, and go for a brisk walk, watch the sunrise, and spend some time alone with my Father to recharge my batteries...but this morning I sit and listen...listen to the man I love pour his heart out in sorrow from days gone by, moments missed, and opportunities wasted. So, I hold his hand, and wipe his tears. I remind him of his true identity...that he is a treasured Prince of the Most God. And we pray together, asking our Father for continued grace and wisdom as we walk together in a broken world.

One of these days, I'm gonna get some take-out on the way home, sit on the porch with a glass of wine and enjoy the sunset...but today, one of my best friends needs my feet since cancer has removed from her the ability to use her own. So, I go run some errands for her, and then take her some flán. And together we eat, reminiscing of days gone by, we laugh and we cry...leaving nothing unsaid...relishing every moment....not knowing which one may be her last.

One of these days, I'm gonna go to the gym, actually USE the membership I paid for and take that Zumba class -whatever that is...but tonight, there's a young man who's searching for the meaning of something much more important than an exercise. He's losing his sweet mother, and needs to know why she is so strong, why she has such peace! And so, we stand outside on a bitter cold night, while he smokes half a pack, and we talk. He cries and I silently pray for the right words, and then I tell him of God's great love. And I know that I am right here, right now, for a time such as this.

One of these days, I'm gonna go get a facial...oh, that sounds so relaxing! But today, well...today is day 8 of a vigil at my dear sister's bedside. Today, I spend the day with her sons. Today, I wipe her face and arms and hands again. Today, I care for her and do everything I can to make her last moments as comfortable as possible. And tonight, I kiss her goodnight for the last time...knowing that when she wakes up, she will kick off the cancer-filled earthly body, step into her heavenly home and dance into her Savior's arms. Today is the first day in over a year that she's been able to walk without a cane, and the first day in years that she's been truly pain-free.

Yep, one of these days, I'm gonna settle down, take life a little slower and start actin' my age. One of these days, there may be time for fabulous dinners and wine, relaxing facials & spa treatments, and fun-filled adventurous vacations.

But today, I'm right where my Father has purposed me to be! Today I'm serving my family, and doing everything I can to love them well...trying to make a difference in my part of the world. Right now, there's too much at stake...too much work to be done for the Kingdom...just not enough time!

Oh Father, give me more grace...more courage...more strength to run this race with endurance. Please give me just one more day to make a difference.