Fifteen years...

Wow! Time sure has gone by fast!  Some days it doesn't seem possible that it has been 15 years...

Fifteen years ago, I found out the hard way that my (then) husband had been unfaithful to me.  To complicate matters and to make that bad thing even worse was that the "other party" was my teenage babysitter...two of them!  I was shocked that this had even happened...surely not MY husband.  We were believers. We were leaders in the youth group at church.  We were active in our church. We sang in a local Christian community choir.  I taught for a local Christian school.  We were believers!!!  How could this happen to me - to us - to my children?!?!  I was furious, distraught, disappointed, discouraged, heartbroken.  I couldn't see beyond the here and now.  I didn't think that God knew what He was doing to allow this in my life.

Fifteen years ago, I made the difficult decision to give up my house because I could not afford to pay the mortgage while raising 2 young children on my own.  It was so hard to make that decision...not just for me and my stupid pride, but the home my children had grown to love was no longer ours.

I look back on the fifteen years since that difficult day, and today I am overwhelmed by my Father's grace and goodness in my life.  He has been with me every single step along the way.  I have seen His hand at work in my life and in the lives of my children.  He has provided for us in so many ways, beyond what I could have even imagined!

We were surrounded by family and friends who became closer than family.  Even though we all struggled in our walk with Christ, my children and I have come to know God in a deeper way than we ever would have if we had not gone through the hell of a broken family.

Today...well, today I am blessed beyond measure.  Today I have a husband who loves & honors the Lord and encourages me to do the same.  Today, he loves my three children in ways that their own fathers cannot.  Today, we are humbled because we are closing on a home of our own.  And my name is going to be on the deed of that house!  It's a dream that I wasn't sure was going to happen.

I am overwhelmed at my Father's goodness.

22 years, 3 months, 7 days...

22 years, 3 months, and 7 days. That's how old my son is. 

22 years, 3 months, and 7 days. That's how young my son is. 

267 months and 7 days. 1161 weeks and 5 days. 8,132 days. 

It sounds like a lot. 

To some, it's a lifetime! 

To me, tonight, it feels like it's been about a month since my son was just a baby. No...it's been about a week since he was a little boy.  Never mind. It's really only been about 7 seconds since he was a teen in braces in the band. And now POOF!

In a few short hours, my son will pledge his life to a sweet young woman and officially start a home of his own. While he's lived on his own for a while now, and made many of his own life decisions for years, it hardly seems possible that this day is already here! 

So although I should be sleeping, my mind is wandering. My heart is heavy. And I wonder. And I cry out to my Father. 

"Did I do everything I was supposed to do, Lord? Did I teach him everything you wanted me to teach him?  Sure...he can cook & do laundry & clean & make a mean pumpkin pie from scratch. But, I mean, did I really teach him everything I was supposed to teach him?!!"

And then I realize one central truth. I am broken. My son that I love so deeply is broken too. We are sinners in desperate need of a Savior. 

Which leads me to another realization. The Christ who gave His life to redeem me and my son is The One who lives and intercedes for us and walks with us each day. He is The One who will guide my son and his bride through life, and teach them all they need to know. 

I can rest. 

Son, I love you with all my heart.  You have, you are, and you will go through many challenges in life.  But I am confident that our Father is giving you both grace and strength to not just get through it, but to live a victorious life in the midst of those things.  Continue to lean on Him.  Let Him guide you and your beautiful bride.  Know that we will continue to love you, pray for you and cheer you on along the way.

My dear, sweet Lydia: today we get to claim you as our daughter!!! And we are so blessed.  Today, I give you my son.  In his eyes, you will see not only his imperfections, but mine as well.  But if you look more closely, you will also see the awesome work our Father is doing in his heart and in his life. 

We rejoice with you both!  We celebrate what the Lord has done in bringing you two together and we look forward with eager anticipation at the beautiful life you will live together as husband and wife.  We love you!!!